Written by Juliana Snow, ADHD-CCSP – Q
Strategies for Finding Meaningful Connection: Reading Materials
To address the unique challenges that ADHD presents in maintaining effective intimate relationships, consider exploring the following reading material:
Join our ADHD Support Group “Focus Foragers” to connect virtually with other ADHDers for our sessions taking place at noon on the first Saturday of each month.
Maintaining Effective Intimate Relationships: Pera, G. (2014). Counseling Couples Affected by Adult ADHD. In R.A. Barkley (Ed.), Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Fourth Edition, 795-825.
Key Tips from the Reading Material:
- Share Chores – Incentivize follow-through on shared responsibilities.
- Learn Active Listening – Develop active listening skills through available resources.
- Communicate Needs – Communicate your needs, discuss “relationship accommodations,” and express desires.
- Avoid Dominating Conversations – Be mindful not to dominate conversations by checking in on the person and the information they are asking about; encourage balanced dialogue.
- Use a Planner System – Update your calendar or planner system to remember dates and appointments.
- Patience in Confrontations – Count to 10 before responding to confrontational situations.
- Identify Helpful and Hurtful Behaviours – Understand what is helpful and what is hurtful in your interactions.
By integrating these strategies into daily life, individuals with ADHD can enhance their ability to form and maintain meaningful connections, fostering a positive and supportive social environment.
Strengthening already Existing Platonic Bonds:
- When you can, shoot a message to that special person. Even a quick “thinking of you” works wonders for keeping long term friendships alive.
- Carve out time to connect. Let your friend know if you need some flexibility with start/end times of your hangouts, do your best to show up, and be true to your word.
- Automate periodic reminders for quality time on your e-calendar setup that repeat at scheduled time intervals (ex. monthly, bi-weekly). Automating the calendar to auto-invite the friend in question via email is a bonus and helps maximise accessibility.
- Nurture bonds with those who accept, understand and/or share your unique ADHD traits, such as proneness to forget things, possible tardiness, zoning out in conversation occasionally, and having atypical sensory habits (fidgeting).
- Keep things interesting. By incorporating movement and varying up your activities when spending time together, you can keep boredom at bay and briefly boost your executive functioning while doing it. This can look like baking, outdoor activities, seasonal sports, or even hobbies and games that require using the hands.
- Make quality time accessible. Need to run errands? Invite your friend along (assuming they’re nearby and don’t have children). Need to tidy the house? Plug in some headphones/earbuds, phone them, and get to work.
- Respect your own and their boundaries. Ask yourself how what you’d like to share will contribute to your time together. Consider your audience. Will you be mulling over their reception of things you share in a month? Three months? Is this a space you feel comfortable from 1-10 (least-most comfortable)? If not 10/10, where in the scale do you find yourself around them? How can you address this? Do you want to?
References
1 Maintaining Effective Intimate Relationships: Pera, G. (2014). Counseling Couples Affected by Adult ADHD. In R.A. Barkley (Ed.), Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Fourth Edition, 795-825.
2 Ginapp, C. M., Greenberg, N. R., Macdonald-Gagnon, G., Angarita, G. A., Bold, K. W., & Potenza, M. N. (2023). The experiences of adults with ADHD in interpersonal relationships and online communities: A qualitative study. SSM. Qualitative research in health, 3, 100223. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ssmqr.2
